My eyes were swollen and my mind with full of grief Saibaba came home but because of my foolish behavior he has left me....will it be once for all...I cannot take it sai please don’t do that to me I believe that you are going to be with me till my end and even after my death...I did a mistake a grave mistake of not carrying out your message punish me but please don’t reject me...I cannot take one thing for sure my life without you...I mean it really I mean it...please forgive me for that nasty behavior...please sai please...The happiness which was cloud nine sometimes thinking about you back poured out as tears from my eyes...I hated me totally at that minute. Even when I don’t like me for what I had behaved how will my sai? Not possible. Are you going to reject me sai? ... Have I been thrown into your recycle bin....please sai please don’t empty me from your recycle bin...let me remain there for your reconsideration.I opened my door wide open. I started being conscious every minute thinking sai is going to come back and I waited for him in my doorstep.
Yes there was a call I happily ran from my hall.my husband came with a great smile home. As soon as he saw my swollen eyes he was shaken and asked “What has happened da? Why are you upset? Why it is 6.00 O clock evening you have not played the sai aarti?, very unusual...okie come dear don’t get upset”. When you see person so close and so near you need not even tell but they understand.
I did not narrate the incidence but I made a coffee for him went and had a wash and started the Evening aarti...What is the use elaborating devotion with Dhupa aarti when my sai himself came did not see me but conveyed the message that I am a fool not following “Love all and be kind to all because I live and exist in all.”. I was not able to sing along with the player. I was just listening to it with the very heavy heart thinking with fear whether my saibaba will leave me alone once for all.
Aum Sairam
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